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Why You Should Give a Sh*t About This Article

profileSudhan P

Forget the title, this article is serious business.

I kid you not.

It can literally save you time and since time is money, it can save you lots of $$$ too.

But first, some backstory about how this article came about.

Source: @BTTF | Giphy

So Seedly uses Slack for work communication and the topic of Secretlab chair came about all of a sudden in our #editorial channel.

Knowing that my boss Ming Feng bought that atas chair recently, I was kaypoh and asked him if the chair’s comfy for his butt.

(For those who have an imaginative piece of brain, I advise you to stop reading further. I warn you already ah…)

He replied:

“I like it leh. But they say if your butt is wider, it can be painful. My butt can drop through the toilet bowl kind, so I enjoyed it.”

Now that I found out that Ming Feng has a small butt, just like a toddler’s…

I suggested to him that I can buy him a potty training seat that my son uses.

With the seat, his butt sure wouldn’t “drop through the toilet bowl”.

Source: Shopee

Looks like he agreed to my proposal since he asked:

“Do they come in black colour?”

@ming, after finishing up this article, I would source for a black one to be sent to your house. 

Then the conversion developed further into this….

So this article you are reading is the pinnacle of the conversation Ming Feng and I had.

If you give a sh*t about why you should be squatting to poop, just like my boss, you must read this article.

And since I’m gunning for Seedly’s Best Employee award, I agreed to write this sh*tty article just for my lovely boss.

I reiterate that you should read this article all the way to the end. You’re in for a nasty surprise.


What Science Says About Squatting to Sh*t

It looks like the toilet that we have, the one where we sit down comfortably to poop, is creating some modern-day issues.

Source: @poopourri | Giphy

Here’s a quick Biology lesson for you (I would like to take the chance to give a quick shoutout to my secondary school Bio teacher Miss B.S. too).

When we consume food, it gets digested into smaller parts so that our body can readily use it.

Undigested food like fibre become waste products and hence the stool that we are all too familiar with.

Stool stays in our rectum, which is a collecting chamber at the end of our large intestine.

A U-shaped muscle called the puborectalis wraps around our rectum and it normally pulls the rectum forward to create a tight angle (known as the anorectal angle).

This helps to hold our stool inside until we’re ready to go.

When it’s time to have a bowel movement, the rectum contracts and the puborectalis muscle relaxes. This causes the anorectal angle to widen, allowing us to release the stool from our body.

The problem with sitting is that it keeps the kink at the lower bowel, forcing us to work harder to push out the poop.

However, squatting relaxes our puborectalis muscle further and straightens out our colon, giving the poop a straight route out.

Because of that, we are able to go more easily without much straining.

Source: The Conversation

X-rays taken during studies show that the rectum indeed straightens out more when we squat.

In another research study with 28 healthy volunteers, it was found that the average time for passing a bowel motion during squatting was 51 seconds.

This compares to the average times of 114 seconds for a lower-height toilet seat and 130 seconds for a higher one.

The volunteers also found defaecation easier while squatting than when seated.

So we can save between 63 and 79 seconds when we squat to poop.

In Singapore, the median gross monthly income is S$4,534. Assuming an eight-hour workday, it comes up to a wage of S$28.34 per hour.

That amount equates to S$0.47 per minute.

It means we can save anywhere between S$0.49 and S$0.62 when we squat to do our business.

Assuming you sh*t 365 days in a year, you save at least S$178.

If you compound that at 10% per annum for 30 years by investing in the stock market, you end up with S$3,105.

That’s some serious savings bro!

There are health benefits too.

Squatting, since it makes for easier pooping, could also ease constipation and prevent haemorrhoids, which often results from straining.

Of course, I’m no doctor.

If you have chronic constipation or any other gastrointestinal issues, you should consult a legit doctor as squatting alone may not help.

How Now (Brown Sh*t) Cow?

We have established that there are cost savings and health benefits when we squat to poop.

Should we then hack down our sitting toilet and go back to the old-school squat toilets we might have used in our old HDB flats?

Source: Wikipedia

In all seriousness, I asked my contractor how much it would be to replace the sitting toilet in my spanking new HDB BTO flat with a squat toilet like in the photo above.

He politely replied:

“Sorry not doing this.”

Since going back to a squat toilet is not an option, I found alternative means to squat to poop.

That’s where I found the Squatty Potty, which claims to be the #1 way to #2.

Source: Squatty Potty

The product mimics sitting down at the old-school toilet and gives benefits such as reducing strain and time on the toilet (just like what we have seen earlier).

A piece of Squatty Potty retails at US$24.99 on Amazon. Adding shipping and foreign exchange costs, it comes up to S$87.71.

That doesn’t look cheap bro!

Since the Squatty Potty looks like a normal seat, I’m sure there are alternatives on Shopee.

I ventured to the online marketplace and lo and behold, I found cheaper options.

There was one selling for S$11.58 and it had 4.9 stars with 1,800 pieces sold. Let’s call this Specimen A.

Source: Shopee

But its dimension was smaller than the Squatty Potty’s (width 53cm x depth 33cm x height 18cm).

I found another one (Specimen B) that was going for S$22.50 and it had 4.9 stars as well, but with only 266 pieces sold.

Source: Shopee

Specimen B’s measurements are 44cm x 35cm x 21cm, so it’s bigger than Specimen A.

But in terms of height, both Specimen A and B are similar to Squatty Potty’s 18cm.

Since height is what matters the most for proper squatting, going for the cheaper Specimen A seems alright.

Oh, by the way…

Specimen B has a phone holder if watching Netflix while pooping is your thing.

Source: Giphy

The Optimal Sh*tting Body Position

This section would be especially useful if you don’t wish to spend a single cent to have the best poop in your life.

According to The Continence Foundation of Australia, when pooping, you should:

  • Sit with our knees higher than our hips (use a footstool or other flat, stable object if needed)
  • Lean forward and put our elbows on our knees
  • Relax and bulge out our stomach
  • Straighten our spine

Do take the above step-by-step pooping formula with you the next time you go for your #2.

Please, Give a Sh*t About This Article

Since you have read (assuming so) all the way to the bottom of this article, I’m sure you give a sh*t about pooping like my boss.

So please share this article with your family, friends, and all Homo sapiens you know for the sake of their bowel health.

But if you don’t give a sh*t about this article, please do share it around as well.

Because I have a dream

Source: @richardbranson | Twitter

And that is for all of you to sh*t happily without any straining.

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About Sudhan P
It isn't fair competition when only one company in the world makes Monopoly. But I love investing in monopolies. Before joining the Seedly hood, I had the chance to co-author a Singapore-themed investment book – "Invest Lah! The Average Joe's Guide To Investing" – and work at The Motley Fool Singapore as an analyst.
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